What’s wrong with me?

Ego asks what. It wants to pinpoint the cause of inconvenience. The thorn in its side.

Love asks why. It wants to understand what disrupted the harmony. It wants to reconcile the opposites. It wants to return the thorn to its rose.


I’ve never asked myself why. It’s always been a resentful what, if even that. And it’d always be because things reached a dead end where the suffering was unbearable. I’d always seek insight and answers begrudgingly as a u-turn. But best believe that I wanted nothing to do with my vehicle. I was only focused on the dashboard and the road ahead. I didn’t want anything to hold me back from reaching my destination. The vehicle would break down, I’d get a towing truck, hitch a couple of rides that turned out nearly fatal. I tried to abandon the vehicle in protest. Didn’t have anyone or anything else to blame it on. I was imagining all the beautiful and marvelous things that I was missing out on by being stuck on the road, and it made me hate myself and the vehicle even more. Which would cause more trouble.

It started as a faint mumble. A question you ask under your breath, hoping no one would hear you. Why do you want to go to that destination so bad? When it causes you this much agony?

My inner voice grew stronger and firmer each time my vehicle coughed up soot and died. The inquiries took on more defined form, the question turned into soliloquies.

I hadn’t noticed the hassle it took to try to get there because I assumed it was due to my inability to navigate the road or my crappy vehicle. I assumed such because it seemed like every other car was zooming past me with no problem.

Why do you think your vehicle is a car?

Huh? It’s obviously…a…car? Wait, hold on. It has to be. What else could it be? I thought all vehicles were cars? Or all cars were vehicles? What? This make no sense at all. How come I’m on a highway if this vehicle belongs elsewhere?

Why do you think that where you are is where you are meant to be?

I guess because that’s the only thing I’ve been taught. If I were to take the alternative seriously, that’d be too daunting! At least now I have a direction and rules to follow. I wouldn’t know where to begin if I veered off this map!

Maybe the noncompliance of your vehicle and the constant breakdowns have been nonverbal cues from your soul to alert you to the fact that this road isn’t where you belong?

But why couldn’t there be a straightforward delineation of what vehicle belongs where? Or even where it doesn’t belong?!

Because the path where you belong is held by the awareness of why you don’t belong elsewhere. And that’s only something you can come to on your own. That’s the whole point. You thought you were on the road to a certain destination, but your soul brought you here to break the assumptions you’ve inherited.


Oh, so that‘s why

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