People really be twisting Islaam. It’s not hierarchical, it’s not transactional, it’s not reductivist, it’s not punitive, it’s not puritan, it’s not conservative. So if you rely on planting seeds of doubt in someone’s understanding or shaming them under the guise of correcting when your intention is misaligned with the ethos of Islaam which is لاضرر و لا ضرار (no instigating harm and no retaliating harm) – then please know that all your ocd- like behaviour won’t save you any reckoning and won’t ensure tazkiyyah (purification of soul).
If you think there’s a station to be reached, please check yourself. This journey is long and difficult precisely because it’s not static and it’s not stagnant. It’s not about detached principles but about integrating what you know when your wounds are fresh and your fear overwhelming. It’s not about perfecting it nor is it about not slipping up because again, it’s not about what we learn in the masajid or the xalaqaat, but it’s what Allaah tests our 3 am minds with and what He triggers our hearts by. It’s meant to be lived, not theorized.
قُلْ إِنَّ صَلَاتِي وَنُسُكِي وَمَحْيَايَ وَمَمَاتِي لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ
› Say (O Muhammad sallAllaahu calayhi wasallam ): “Verily, my Salât (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allâh, the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists).‹
Because when push comes to shove, it’s about how you hold up when your back is against the wall. It’s about how honest you’re willing to get about your incongruencies. It’s about what keeps you going when you can’t continue.
In other words, it’s the istiqama (steadfastness) of the heart. And no amount of policing and refuting and micromanaging can earn you steadfastness. Steadfastness is different from rigidity and fear of the unknown. If anything, the test aren’t external. Allaah always adapts the tests to your blindspots and weaknesses, no matter how much you try to fortify yourself. But don’t worry. It’s not because He’s not pleased with you or because He’s punishing you. No. He’s giving you an opportunity to expand, to let light in, to do the very thing you were created for: self-actualize.
So, trust your intuition and keep your heart open. Trust it more than you trust any religious figure, especially in this age of distortions. Get familiar with how the truth feels, because it can’t be feigned or faked.