Where has the empathy of this ummah disappeared to? A mind that tries to control emaan creates a hardened heart far from Allaah. The beauty of a soul lies in the character. Good character comes from an unprotected heart, a person who’s submitted in vulnerability, trusting His justice, and accepting their own fallability. Allaah is not in need of minds full of memorized verses and studied pages. Allaah is not impressed by how well you walk without a wobble. He created you with that vulnerability. He knows the weakness that hides behind that facade. He created you to live through that weakness, not bypass it. What hasn’t permeated the heart won’t illuminate your grave.
On That Day, you won’t remember the books, the halaqaat, the sunnan you used to pray, the principles you used to stick to intellectually. On That Day, everything that had been relegated to the shadows will come forth. Everything you’ve been suppressing will stand before you. And because you spent all your life resisting who you were, shaytaan had a field life in running through that unattended backdoor. The backdoor you were ashamed of. Instead of integrating all of you, you will meet your fragmentations on that Day while you never thought you would. But you see, nothing is really gone just because you hide it or deny it. And as long as the person Allaah knows you to be in the dead of the night is different from the person you’re trying to be, there can’t be no inaabah. There can’t be no actualization of Tawheed when you’re too focused on not making a mistake to submit to Him. Not wanting to make a mistake is different from the state of an-nafs allawwaamah ; the self reproaching nafs. Not wanting to make a mistake is rooted in a quest for divinity, a rejection of your humanity, a subtle form of arrogance. It’s the ego that thinks piety is about how it makes YOU look as opposed to how it makes you feel. As if entering Jannah is through credit scores.
Iblees didn’t want to make mistakes. He was very perfectionistic. But the angels, when Allaah asked them what they thought about the creation of humans, made a judgement that proved to fall short of the reality. They could only assess based on what they knew so that’s what they sincerely did. And when Allaah showed them the bigger reality, they submitted to that at once. They didn’t defend their position or assumptions. But Iblees, his whole piety was based on the belief that he earned his rights to be elevated. He earned his rights to lead the campaign with the angels to break up the warring jinn factions on earth. He believed himself to be inherently favourable.
And when the light came to separate him from his assumptions, he clung to it for dear life, refusing to entertain anything else.
Allaah will bring you to your knees one way or another. Not to humiliate you but to break the shell that keeps you in the dark.
Trust Him. Trust Him. Trust Him. Trust that what you were tried with was to bring you closer to your true self because it’s only through the true self that you can have muraaqaba with Him. Somethings are beyond the scope of words. Somethings are just felt. If the connection to Allaah makes you feel overwhelmingly guilty or preoccupied with your shortcomings or fearful of punishment, know that there’s something amiss. Fear should be the boundaries that alert you when you’re going out of alignment. It shouldn’t be the default state. How will you love Him, have awe of Him, reflect on the universe He created and all the signs He left for you if you’re suspended in terror? If your heart is constantly in knots?
مَا يَفْعَلُ اللَّهُ بِعَذَابِكُمْ إِنْ شَكَرْتُمْ وَآمَنْتُمْ ۚ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ شَاكِرًا عَلِيمًا
Why should Allaah punish you if you were grateful and have believed in Him. And Allaah is Ever All-Appreciative (of good), All-Knowing.