a soul’s sillage

This world is structured in a way that suppresses and discourages the expressions of the true, original souls. Trust me when I say, the best that this world has to offer is buried in bellies in knots, rushing along the drugfilled veins of broken addicts, floating disembodied in the compartmentalized unconscious of minds filled with torturous cacophony.

My one and only dream in life is to create a restorative space where these souls can find their voices again. That’s all. I just want to excavate the gems and riches in the souls of those troubled by a world that spits on them because their potential is hidden. And I’ll make sure they won’t be plundered and exploited like Africa. I asked Allaah for this one task to which I’ve dedicated my entire life.

The empathy I’ve had for people is the only reason I’m still alive, I believe, and the one thing I know Allaah has had mercy on me for. Even when I hated my guts and saw no reason to live on, saw no reason to hold on to my creativity, saw no reason to stand up to my inner bully, the countless people who’ve shared their pain either directly or I’ve divined through seeing them slouched over, their blank expressions, the words that come up their throats but get pushed back again by clenched jaws. And since I was a kid, I’ve been desperately looking at the space between them and the hurtful world, trying to figure out how to make bad people stop hurting people, or how to make good people feel better. And suspended in the tension of the two, I grew. First from the wounds of my crucifixion and where my skin tore. Then through the garden I planted in my soul to keep out the deluge in my mind that threatened to drown me. And now… i don’t have much, I’m messy and I look like an unfinished novel but this desire to create a better world for all the people whose stories and lives have clung to me for one reason or another is real. It transcends my fear of the world, it transcends me, it transcends everything. It’s as if I was born into it. As if it was sitting in the corner of the hospital room, waiting for me, that midnight when December and I made an entrance minutes apart.

I’ve tried to get rid of it, and it took me a while to realize that it was me. I am it. A cosmic river contained in this mind, ebbing away into my heart and around and around the flow goes. Until I finally go. Leave this earth. Yup. That’s me.

Respond to a soul’s sillage

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