I changed my mind

I would never feel comfortable around people who manage life. I’m too passionate and in love with life for me to be nonchalant about any of it. Every corner, every sign, every fork in the road, every hue – i want it all. I want to ingest it. I want to unite my sensory and existential experiences, I want to unwrap and unfold and unveil the things that electrify me. Perhaps that’s not sustainable for some, those seeking equilibrium in pivoting their life on their careers and social lives. But for me, death and being rejected or looked down upon or neuroticism is a more tolerable outcome than holding my soul back in favour of the collective.

I can’t know something and not have it affect me. I can’t know that someone did my friend dirty and not blacklist that person for life. I can’t know questionable ethics of a person and not distance myself from them. I can’t know the truth and not sacrifice everything to embody it.

This isn’t meant to be an indictment of anyone who doesn’t feel the same. Feel being the operative word. Some feel more than others – call it nature, innate disposition, temperament, soul signature. I just want a world where we are honest about what we feel and lead a life congruent with that, regardless of how it reflects. Because I believe that what feels wholesome for the individual IS wholesome for the collective. I don’t believe for one moment that the heart would feel pleased with something that is toxic or harmful. The heart feels no separation from the whole. Only the mind is that compartmentalized and calculating.

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