Move… Meant

Vessels have been handed down the generations to be filled by a woman’s essence

To have her desires and soul urges extracted

And with each generation, the vessels become deeper and the women more hollow

The echoes of their hunger pain reverberates the depths of their being, but never escapes their lips like a shameful secret

Silenced by a stillness that absorbs but doesn’t reflect

My biggest battle has been one of void, absence

I’ve been ravaged by my acidic essence needing to fill, not knowing how to be still

Or perhaps it’s not my essence that is acidic, but the sensation of feeling my being is so foreign and unheard of that it stings me

Emptiness lines the sides of a woman, I was not prepared for this

I wanted to empty myself of my self, but no vessel could hold me

Even dissociation abandoned me


Like Bertrand Russell, my life has been characterized by the longing for love, learning and empathy. Yet, Allaah postponed my finding the objects of my search, so that I could embody my essence before giving it away.

I sought love, instead I became intimately entwined with it in all its depths and magnitude. I came to live in its nesting during the long winters

I sought the apex of academia , but instead I was taken down the ancient paths of phenomenology and into contact with unadulterated realities and truths through experiential knowledge.

I sought to help people and for years I felt helpless and powerless because I couldn’t do much about the pain I’d feel in them. So I sat with their voices, let them carve out deep caverns in me like rivers

And I found that instead of filling, I just *am*

Instead of covering up my hollowness, I brim over with love, even if a bit loud and clumsy

Instead of wishing on an outcome to redeem me, I flow flow flow

In timelessness and yet I’m still

A stillness that doesn’t sting

A stillness that holds but doesn’t oust

A stillness that reflects but doesn’t absorb

A stillness that is silent but doesn’t mask pain

A pain that doesn’t hinder but signals to me when I need refilling

From the divine fountains

Knowing you was a divine encounter

Respond to Move… Meant

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