I won’t stand in the way of your commitment to your narratives of the world
your insistence on expecting gloomy affairs and distrustful gestures
when my love, so so pure and timeless has enveloped you in prose and prayers
and will continue to ring true for as long as my soul lives

you’ve been nothing but good,lord, your soul is lined with the finest thread

but it’s been like the sword of Damocles dangling over the peaceful moments
knowing that you’ll be ok with me as long as I don’t make sudden moves
i don’t feel safe

i love and live outside the box
i don’t mind being messy and foolish and everything I would be in the dark, alone
i cannot grow in the shade of fear
i didn’t sacrifice my comfort zones only to land in yours

i didn’t choose for love to take root in me this way
i tried to uproot it , but each time I did, my hands returned bloodied with strands of veins ripped from my heart
it’s my cross to bear, and i won’t put it on you

just know why I wave from afar, why my smiles are vague and never reach my eyes because i don’t want you to see the state of my soul

until you’ve been coloured by your darkness, you won’t understand mine

to have known someone I’ve been praying for for years, only to have to let go
lord, i don’t know what i did wrong, but i trust my silent suffering will blossom into more of me

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”

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