Pain. I seek out what accentuates my inadequacies. I match people to the hues of my insecurities. I foolishly think my insecurities are an obstacle course I can race through.
Sadistic. I can’t tear myself away from those who echo back to me the loathing that runs the length of my soul.
Nihilistic. I’ve worked towards working away my fatal flaws for so long that I’ve forgotten what I was before it all began. I’m afraid to discover nothingness beneath it all.
You can choose to take a step back out of fear of the unknown, or step forth out of faith in the unknown. The past you’re replaying in your head will never happen again, unless you insist on recreating every blank moment in the image of your darkest fears.
Between a fear and a desire, always remain loyal to your desire. A fear is no grateful, no no. You give up your life to satisfy it, but it won’t stop growing until you’re no more. It’ll whack you even if it promises it won’t if you keep on good terms with it. It’s a lying, pesky ting.
Never negotiate with fear. It only exists because you trust it more than you trust yourself. What a shame.
I want to make a majestic house out of my soul. A place of calmness. A place of stability and refuge for beautiful souls to find rest in.
I want to be a person who I’d love and look up to growing up. A person who I’d be eager to befriend. A person who vibes the truth, her truth, with a graceful abandon. A person whose aura has an incredibly intense otherworldly charge to it that brings, nay forces, the true self to the surface. A person whose beauty is rooted in how unassuming she is of her impact. A person who makes people at ease by embracing all human facets of her. A person whose greatest aim is to give people back their lost good, their forgotten truth. A spirit traveller, in this world but not of it. Someone focused on being more.
Your need for control is what causes chaos. You were created from chaos. Therefore, you’re order. You are intact. And the obstacles and unpleasantries you avoid – they are your path. You’re avoiding your path that would empower and enlighten you. Instead, you’re taking a detour into the belly of the beast – without your innate support. Emotions – pleasant or not- aren’t meant to satisfy you, but to guide you, and you shut them out because you thought they were out to destroy you.
Oh if only you realized what a self-destructive delusional creature you are. We all are. We man a giant plane and we think it’s flying because of the firm grip of our hands and the intensity of our focus? Really? Your soul is that plane, and it’s been engineered to optimum. All you need to do is be cognizant of the feedback coming through the panels and make apt assessments. You don’t have to think about what if it malfunctions or it decides to dip even though you did everything right. Relax. Most causes of plane crashes are due to errors caused by inattentiveness and overlooked mechanical failures.
Even in the event of a crash, that shouldn’t make you fall apart in self-blame. Assess what went wrong. Where did you miss the signals? Learn from your emotions. Stop ditching classes, and you won’t have to flounder so much.
We really think we can separate ourselves from the rest of the world? Try not to get wet when your city’s flooded.