I, despise

depression is

bland food

being fatigued from sleeping too much

long periods of mental cloudiness

ashy thighs

Lack of appetite but mindlessly munching on junk food to keep the feelings at bay

Listening to the same set of songs for months because I’ve come to associate safe feelings with them, and I don’t feel comfortable exploring new songs

Never making my bed because I’m in it so much

grey skies

Elusive muscle ache that evades all attempts at stretching

Tooth clenching

Elaborate future plans

brooding ’til sunrise 

Repeating the same chapter in an audio book 5 times in a row because of zoning out

Finding the perfect balance between intellectually challenging information and mind numbing wit on youtube

Putting pen to paper triggers anxiety

eating my words, cannibalize 

Missed calls

Unread messages

fear of doorbells

Pretending to be asleep when visitors come

dodging unsolicited advice

Fleeting concerns about the effects of unbridled Coke drinking

19% battery level : the beginning of the end

Swat away dreams too big

nightmare in disguise

Persistent wish to be invisible

Wondering where this maze ends

Planning life according to fears and triggers

Suicide always buried somewhere in the back

optimism, nu’n but black lies

talking to God, with hesitation because I’m a shameful sinner

But He’s the only one I can talk to when I can’t find the right words

heart cries you know

Everything I do is shitty af

I’m a lousy writer

I’m a lazy writer

my mind, can’t get a thought in edgewise 

 

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