Suicidal thoughts are a sign of stage four Animatoma – Soul Cancer
Food for thought is just the cancer growing.
Don’t think your way out of depression, one of the symptoms of soul cancer.
You need to remove toxic parts of you that have been fermenting in you for a very long while
Amputate mindsets. Neurotransmitter transplant.
Understand that no one wishes to die. People don’t just check out of life because their phone battery died in the middle of a tetris game, or because trolls downvoted them. That’d take an absence of a sense of self and even then,how would someone have the consciousness to make that huge decision?
No. Just like we rely on oxygen and blood, we need a certain life energy that keeps our souls alive. Self-actualizing energy. The movement of one’s soul energy. If that for whatever reason is stalled, nothing gets out and nothing gets in. Rot sets in, and like fire in a closed space, the soul starts to suffocate and wither. And just like one panics when drowning, flailing one’s arms in a desperate attempt at getting help, so is a dying soul. Self-destructive behaviour. Apathy. Recklessness. Anger.
Once suicidal ideation sets in, it’s usually towards the end. Gangrene has set in the soul, one is all but a walking zombie. It’s at that stage that the slightest nudge can be taken as a cue for exit, which can be erroneously misconstrued as causation.
Although my analogy is a bit tongue in cheek, it’s only to offset the grim reality. Very little is known about suicidal ideations because those who experience them long enough to know it often die, and those who study it are often those mentally functional enough as to be deep in academia.
I survived it. 6 times. And it’s a demon that lives with me. It will never go away because it’s the bottom of my creativity. Creativity is creating , giving life. It can’t exist in a vacuum. It’s dualistic- creativity, writer’s block.
I’m incredibly humbled by my not only surviving the suicidal attempts aka animatoma ( totally made up, but admit it, it sounds cool 😉 . Ehr, as cool as cancer could sound. Which isn’t cool at all. Fuck cancer. Don’t mind me 😯 ) but also studying my own mind and finding a way to balance my creativity and ego so that I gain some stability.
But most don’t have that fortune. So it’s important that next time you hear of someone who attempted or committed suicide, you don’t taint their dignity with patronizing suggestions or thinking that they were exceptionally weak. Our world is sick. Our environment is suffering. Animals are suffering. Society is suffering. The only ones not suffering are either those who feed off others downfall and indeed work to cause that so as to remain dominant – or those too weak to feel the gamut of human feelings, opting to live in the shadows of escapist fantasies of one day being dominant.
Being sick is a sign of being alive. But sickness is also a sign of running out of life.