My mind is driving me to the banks of the river of insanity. My curiosity threatens to drown me. My need for controlling the course of the river is enragingly frustrating. I have an arrogant mind and a meek heart – how do I look at the signs of the divine without vying for it? How do I allow myself to relax and go with the flow yet be focused on my direction? How do I try my best yet embrace my flaws? How do I float and not sink to the bottom?
I wish I could fly. My mind takes flight any moment it gets – soaring through the skies of imagination. Reality makes me feel claustrophobic due to the vast abyss of the unknown that I’m surrounded by- an oxymoron, I know. Yet I find revisiting the same thoughts and fantasies and dreams to be extremely freeing.
The sky is reflected on the river and it suddenly makes sense: going with the flow isn’t in regards to external events. Going with the flow comes from finding one’s inner river within the scary abyss that is the unknown. The focus comes from trusting oneself and my best comes from honest intentions. As for the divine – it’s to know that Allaah wanted me to be a witness, a passenger. I don’t have to create anything or orchestrate miracles. Just bloom like flowers do.