There’s a quality to melancholia
There’s stability in enduring emotional distress
There’s mental agility in navigating the often confounding torrents of thoughts without drowning in them
There’s inner peace in feeling emotional pain , allowing the wave of pain to seep through the subconscious and into the ether without flinching
I believe we all are born with a set of life struggles that so happen to be the packaging in which our most potent life gifts lie nestled in, awaiting our journey. And I also believe that going through those struggles are inevitable for they prepare us for the great task of being able to carry our life’s gift.
You see, I’ve often revisited my childhood looking for ways my parents could have averted the misery I’ve had to face. For years I found solace in flipping through hindsight and identifying all the way the train of horror could have been stopped before reaching me.
I guess I wondered why it seemed like the cards I’ve been dealt were so extraordinarily harsh?
Almost all my life I believed it was because I deserved it. I was a horrible and useless person. Made sense.
But then in my early 20s I started to chip away my mangled sense of self.
So I don’t deserve all the horrors in the world? So I deserve all the happiness in the world?
I’m entitled to a pain-free life and I DEMAND a full refund because I’ve been cheated!
Again, the metrics were horribly off mark in gauging my emotions, leading to a sense of hopelessness and bitterness. I was focused on what I felt was wrongfully taken away from me. I didn’t know how to frame my life in a way that was meaningful and authentic. I didn’t know the midpoint between succumbing to the suffering and outright suppressing it.
The truth, I discovered, is in the merging of the two extreme explanatory styles.
How something is framed affects the reality being framed. Reality is created through perception, the ‘how’. There are endless versions of realities that one can tap into through enlightenment. Enlightenment is a charged word which inspires rolled eyes as well as dreamy sighs in equal measure. To me, enlightenment is burning away everything that doesn’t belong to you and in you.
What I came to is this: No, I’m not innately unlucky and deserving of tragedies. And no, I haven’t been allotted securities in life, therefore there’s nothing anyone has deprived me of. Shit happens and has happened to me to push me up against my inner power.
Comfort is an illusion because life is always changing, meaning there’s continual growth. A comfort zone is void of growth, by definition. It’s hitting a pause button on life. And there’s no such thing. We don’t decide to be born, we don’t decide the country and time and body and family we are born into. We don’t decide how we’re going to look like, who our co-workers are going to be, what illnesses we might contract, or when we’ll die.
In other words, life outside our mind can’t be predicted or hampered. Comfort zone is predicated on the desire to gain some control over the external circumstances, so as to not feel perturbed.
This is like closing your eyes to the moon because you don’t want to see it; you choose to see darkness where there is and always will be light. Likewise, holding on to darkness thinking it’s light doesn’t change the essence of the situation.
Our reality therefore is not so much about what is happening, but how we’re interpreting the signals. That’s why reality is highly unique and malleable.
A LIVING EXPERIENCE IS CHANGED THROUGH A PERCEPTION CHANGE
The universe has been the scope of human exploration since time immemorial, yet despite the universe not changing, our views and understanding are constantly evolving. One time in history, everyone believed that the sun rotated around the earth. Or more recently, Pluto being a planet.
The facts don’t change. Whether aliens exist or not doesn’t depend on our ability to prove them. Whether dinosaurs had feathers or not doesn’t depend on what fossils we find. There’s a lot of mystery in the universe that will never be discovered or explored by us. But the existence of mysterious undiscovered matters is beyond the realm of perception.
I say all this to say : the universe is stupendous and majestic. It contains terrors that make you beg for death. It contains wonders that you could marvel at for eons. Everything, EVERYTHING you can imagine exists on some plane. Your mind is a microcosmic version of the universe- it can’t conjure something that doesn’t exist. Granted, everything imaginable isn’t possible to acquire or should be acquired ( what would you do with the moon in your backyard?) But to birth congruent ideas into our physical realm you must find the proper lens that can withstand the amount of focused momentum that idea needs. In other words, you need to step up to the level of the idea you’re vying for. If your idea is something like practicing yoga, it might not take as much effort as say revolutionizing the media would. But it’s all very much possible. Only question is: how much are you willing to vest in your ideas?