Bad Beat

 

Self-hate is an extracurricular activity

Self-hate is taught –

When you grow up hating your hair because all the products were made for those with straighter and lighter hair

When you grow up with a different culture that makes you ashamed of your parents

When all the role models are white

When all you see in rotation on tv is white skin

When you become so hyped when your country of origin is mentioned in passing on TV because of how starved you are of representation

When you grow up always having to teach your teachers – who went to university for 4 years to TEACH – how to pronounce your name –

When you grow up never expecting people to remember your name, allowing them to make light your name because it inconvenienced their tongues-
/Oh, not only did I invade your white land, I also invaded your white ears with my inconveniencing foreign sounding name that reeks of spices and broken accents/
Except, I was born here…

But that is inconsequential because my skin tone betrays me.
My skin tone makes it impossible to distinguish between me and an African who just witnessed their first winter ever. Not that I deny my African roots, but inevitably my genes seem to have the last word when it comes to my position in the Swedish society. Doesn’t matter if I’ve been as sun-deprived as those who are melanin deficient.

As much as I love this country, to its natives I’m an error
I’m a statistic, a probability

I’m a hypothesis whereas they are the imputable reality

If any part of me warps their reality or challenges what is seen as fundamentals, they’ll find ways to make reality bend in their favour

My success is an anomaly
Their failure is absurdity

My destruction is the rule

My energy is a wild card

I’m an ambush

I’m a new discovery that disproves the entire theory

I’m a ghost

But I WILL be seen
The gravitational field of my soul will force the universe to acknowledge me

All the odds stacked against me function as strength training for my character

I’ll see your racism and hatred and  raise you resilience

Obstacles are inviting signposts showing me the path I CHOSE

See, to the world I’m not supposed to exist
When you hear BLACK you think MAN

When you hear WOMAN you think WHITE

When you hear MUSLIM you think ARAB

When you hear MENTAL DISORDER you think DYSFUNCTIONAL

When you hear MILLENNIAL you think SELF-CENTERED IGNORANT BRAT
I don’t exist in those circles. But I flip that in my favour and say
Because I never existed before, I’m an invention, a discovery. I can’t be compared or contested. Y’all just have to take my word for who I am because I’ma Columbus your preconceived ideas – invade, destroy and occupy them 😇

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