i pine for the open fields

​i just realized..how committed i am to misery. i insist on its existence. I’ve gotten so used to pain that i don’t know how to live without it. i don’t feel safe without danger. i feel like it’s going to ambush me if i don’t keep an eye on it. peace is relative. it’s only the brief interval between the explosions of reality. reality must be tragic. that’s what I’ve memorized and etched into my heart. i’ve grown around that belief. it’s embedded in me so deeply that i don’t know..how to undo it without undoing me. Or perhaps by undoing myself from that belief, I’ll finally be freed from the shackles of fear? 
Could it be..could it be possible that freedom is possible without being shot in the back, without traps awaiting me further down the path? can i really hope without reservation, love without condition? 

my soul was injured from the first earthly moments, and this is my attempts at nursing my wounds. i’m not sure if i can restore my essence, i just want to assuage the pain. 
creating reality is an arduous but noble task. i guess that’s life in a nutshell?

6 responses to i pine for the open fields

  1. aurora

    I don’t know if this post is really what you are going through or if it’s just an artistic post of some writing you are exercising. If it’s truly how you feel, then I also have to admit I also associated profundity with misery for a long time. But why did I assume that? Change must first be made to the subconscious before conscious life can be changed. Why don’t you feel safe without danger? Why must reality be tragic? Why are you committed to misery or the belief that life has to be an arduous task? Is that reality or the reality you created for yourself? Consider your inner monologue. Your subconscious is soaking it all in.

    Read the article in this link: http://www.osho.com/read/featured-articles/emotional-ecology/the-problem-as-an-ego-tonic

    Random excerpts from Osho’s text: “You create problems so that you can feel that life is a great work, a growth, and you have to struggle hard … You don’t have any problems; only this much has to be understood … This is what enlightenment is all about – a deep understanding that there is no problem. Then, with no problem to solve, what will you do? Immediately you start living. You will eat, you will sleep, you will love, you will have a chit-chat, you will sing, you will dance. What else is there to do? You have become a god, you have started living!”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Neosomaliana – Author

      omg. i feel gutted. this is so damn true, I’m mind boggled. I’ll have to digest that for a moment but thank you so much for that guidance!!!!


      • aurora

        I’m really glad that my post was received in the way I wanted it to be received, I’m glad it’s helping you. But don’t feel gutted. Just remember the article, “Enlightenment is not something to be achieved, it is just to be lived. When I say that I achieved enlightenment, I simply mean that I decided to live it. Enough is enough!” You have suffered enough Mulki, it’s time to actually enjoy life now.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Neosomaliana – Author

        I saw one in Norway last year. And it was during summer! Which is super rare. It wasn’t as vivid as during winter, but very beautiful and mesmerizing nevertheless


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