In vitro 

I’m tired of making my life a means to an end.

A depository of perfection that grants me temporary redemption.

I’m tired of living like a circus animal, channelling my all into making others clap and gasp at how I can break illusionary walls and bend boundaries.

Emotional escort. Giving good mindfucks like a literary badass.

I’m tired of being treated like a test tube experiment and having to achieve remarkable things with my brain so that people could live vicariously through me

I hate not knowing what I really want and instead I find myself falling back on the expectations people have of me.

Because at least then I get some sense of gratification when I meet others expectations and for a moment I forget my existential qualms 

I have all this creative power, I see things others don’t, understand things light-years ahead of others. I’m fearless and fierce. Yet, all that energy remains stagnant within me. I’m afraid of moving with it. I’m afraid that should I channel it, I’d be destroyed by it. Or I’d fail miserably and people would see me for the imposter I feel like I am, and there would be nothing left for me to hide behind. I feel like channelling who I really am inside is a suicide mission. But so is life, I guess. Either way I won’t get out alive. 

Respond to In vitro 

Fire away!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s