[wadaad means someone pious/religious in Somali. In this context I refer to the holier-than-thou dogmatic bullies.]
Mr. Wadaad: Assalaamu alayki warahmatullah ukhtifillaah
Me: *uneasy* ehr wa calaykumussalaam Mr. Wadaad: You know ukhti you have to return the equivalent salaam
Me:😒 wa calaykumussalaam warahmatullah
Mr. wadaad: *interjects unashamed * so ukhti how much of Qur'aan have you memorized? How many books have you studied? Do you know Arabic
Me: *answer him, with clenched jaws*
Mr. Wadaad: Maa shaa Allaah tabaarakallaah. That's good.. for a woman . Don't worry, I'll teach you so much more. I'm a graduate of Madinah University and I have an ijaaza in the 10 qiraa'at from sheikh Abdulmuhsin AL Qaasim
Me:*inspects nails intensely to keep from upper cutting him * mhm. Allaahumma baarik * inner hulk coming out *
Mr. Wadaad: So what do you do in your spare time sister? You seem like a righteous amatullaah. Do you cook? I love Indian food and Somali of course. We won't have a tv at home. TV is such a fitnah subhaanallaah. Alhamdulillaah we won't have that when you become my hoori * wink wink* what do you think about polygyny.astaqfirullaah these sisters nowadays acudubillah, so westernized and unislamic.you see a sister wearing niqab and opposing polygyny! Allaahu akbar. You know that's kufr, hating what Allaah legislated. Sigh. So. Tell me -
Me:*troll mode* I'm glad you asked. I love to sleep, drink Coke and be online all day. I hate cooking and I'm so bad at it that I burn water. I listen to music 24/7. My favourite artists are Beyonce,King Khalid,Kanye West,J.Cole,Alessia Cara,Mohamed BK. Don't worry, I don't watch TV, I got Netflix and YouTube and Spotify. No need for TV.
Mr.Wadaad: *mouth agape * acudu bikalimaatillaahit taammaati min sharri ma khalaq
Me:Acudu birraxmani minka in kunta taqiyya
Me: *turns up ' Bitch Better Have My Money' by Rihanna, puts feet on table and starts singing along *
Nanana on my bluff...like bruhbruhbruh Louis 13th... Kamikaze if you think that you gon' knock me off the top Shit, your wife in the backseat of my brand new foreign car Don't act like you forgot, I call the shots, shots, shots Like blah, brrap, brrap Pay me what you owe me, don't act like you forgot Bitch better have my money!
Mr.Wadaad :😱😱😱😱😵😵🙈🙈🙈🙉🙉🙉🙊🙊🙊* runs with his khamiis between his legs*🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃