Suppression of the Male Identity

I CAN SEE HOW IT’S BEEN VERY HARD FOR men for the last thirty years or so. “No, I don’t need you to open the car door for me.” (Read: “You jerk.”) “No, you are not invited to fix me, you will not be allowed to dominate me, and you better not dare put your feet on either my emotional or my material furniture.” (Read: “In fact, I’ll cut off your you-know-whats if you try.”) “No, I do not appreciate your efforts to make things better, because I’m sure it’s just another of your patriarchal, domineering, chauvinistic plans masquerading as a solution.” (Read: “You realize, of course, that I hate your entire sex.”)

And many of these poor guys got it. They themselves could see the destructiveness of the brutish, shadow side of the male personality, as much as we could—and they wanted to not be that, as much as we wanted to not be around it. Even this shows a desire to please us, at least subconsciously. Ironically, what then developed in them was the same syndrome with which women have been cursed for centuries: “I’ll hide who I really am, so you’ll like me.” And of course, it didn’t work. After we ripped their balls off, we started yelling at them contemptuously, “Why aren’t you a man!?!?”

Many men drew inward, shrinking from their own masculinity out of fear that it might harm someone.In the name of gentleness, but often stemming more from fear than from genuine tenderness, they shrank from their own male greatness. There are few dangers greater than the danger of an unrecognized belief, and the unrecognized belief that masculinity is somehow corrupt, in and of itself, has crippled both men and women for decades.

Some of the best men among us, the souls most equipped to usher in the romance and spirituality of the era now dawning, often acquiesced to the prejudice against powerful males. They withdrew from what they saw as the rat race, as appalled as we were at the violence and greed of white male power in America. As usual, the judgment was a slash to the heart of both judger and the judged. Slowly, silently, and often unconsciously, these men began to mourn the loss of their own vigor and male assertiveness, painfully conflicted about their valid desire and aptitude for material manifestation. They could not obliterate their desire to go, to do, to build empires, to exert power in the world, yet held that desire deep within them like a guilty secret. Having been made to feel wrong, in essence, for the worldly expression of their own masculinity, they attitudinally crouched in a corner, secretly jealous of lesser men.Often, they don’t want to admit it, but they wish that they had made more money. They don’t want to admit it, but they wish now that they did have a worldly empire. They don’t want to admit it, but they feel embarrassed that they don’t have the means to do certain things in the material world.
All this can be corrected, of course, as soon as they recognize where they judged a certain trait, thus suppressing their own power to personify it. Forgiveness is the key to healing absolutely everything. What we judge in others, we deny ourselves. What we are willing to bless in others, we will allow ourselves. Judging a trait, even suppressing it, does not transform it.

Not all men who make a lot of money do evil, brutish, domineering things with it—not by a long shot. Not all men who build worldly empires then use their empires to suppress and exploit and manipulate others – not by a long shot. And not all men of worldly means are spiritual morons – not by a long shot. It’s worth mentioning, as well, that not all people who are struggling to survive are so holy and pure. The myth that money is the root of all evil was invented by the master, not the slave, and for the purposes of further enslavement. It is a thought that is sure to quiet the disempowered mass, but at a time like this, when empowerment is the buzz, that thought is being dropped from our minds like chains being thrown off long-bound shoulders. The attachment to money is a danger, as the attachment to anything is a danger. But money, like anything else, can be used in the service of furthering the good. And a lot of what would help the world most, right now, would be well served by an influx of cash.

Money is just a symbol, of course, for a certain kind of worldly power. But particularly for men, it is an important symbol, for it represents the power to wield a certain kind of authority in our society. To pretend otherwise is immature. This is not a negative authority, by the way, but a neutral authority. All of us should feel authorized to create. We don’t want a world where everyone feels equally disempowered; we want a world where everyone can feel equally empowered to manifest the power of good.

Making men wrong  for the worldly expression of their masculine self, in any form, is like making men wrong for an erection. Fine if you want to do that, but don’t expect any more babies, or new life, if you do.

Williamson, Marianne. Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1999. 62-65. Print.


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