Years and years

20.02.15

I hated you, I was mad at you, I was enraged. An emotional ball of yarn sat perched in my heart and you knitted webs of pain throughout my being by your invalidation; by your neglect; by your absence when I needed you; by your smothering when I needed space. The web was so intricate and beautiful that I did not dare unknit it. It was killing me slowly, but it was so beautiful. I was scared that beneath the webs, there was nothing. I felt like a ghost and this pain made me feel…real.

But, I started tugging at it. Unravelling and unrolling. Retracing the embedded pain and reluctantly ripping it out. A concoction of relief and panic followed me every step of the way. And when I reached the end of the thread, my anger dissipated. My tears dried. I found forgiveness where anger once was. And I hugged you like my life depended on it. I hugged you like you should have hugged me as a baby.We didn’t speak but I felt your remorse and you felt my love. In a moment, we relived 25 years.

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