For a decade now, I’ve been in the grips of intense fear and lived life fleeing from every place that held the potential of pain. Basically, I lived in hibernation, hidden way below the ground. But yesterday I realized that it wasn’t pain that I was fearing; discovering that bonfire unveiled a completely different aspect that could better explain what has become of my life. I doubt my abilities to handle whatever happens to me, I feel weak and fragile. The slightest nudge is catastrophic in that I fear it’ll be the end of me. All this time I had focused on eliminating pain, but now I see that it’s the self-doubt that destroyed me.
I thought I was afraid of the ocean because of the turbulent waves that smashed into the shore where I stood; but what I was truly scared of was that my ship would not hold in the face of violent waves.
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
— Louisa May Alcott (Little Women )