Keep your needs to yourself!

Iyanla Vanzant


13 things we do to be loved:

1. All the signs say this is not the one, but you ignore your internal alarms, and move ahead into a love fantasy.

2. Because you fear being alone, or because you believe you cannot have what you want in a relationship, you accept the first person who comes along, only to be left, beaten, ripped off, or impregnated and then left, beaten, ripped off.

3. You confuse friendship and niceness with romantic love.

4. Because some is nice to you and you are not used to it, you don’t know how to say no to them when you realize they are not who you want.

5. You get caught up in the packaging and promises.

6. You force your desires for a relationship onto another person, or issue and ultimatum. Because the person does not know how to say no, s/he goes along with you…for a while.

7. Because the other person expresses an interest in you, you respond without really exploring if this is who or what you want.

8. You allow blind faith, which leads to blind love, to take you into a relationship that is unhealthy.

9. You choose to believe that what your partner has done to another person, s/he will not do to you.

10. Sexual compatibility is mistaken for love.

11. You stay in a relationship although you are miserable, trying to work things out even when your partner shows no interest in working through the difficulty.

12. You don’t express what you really feel because you believe it will hurt your partner’s feelings.

13. You choose to believe your partner’s lies even when you know the truth. You act like you do not know what is going on when you do.

Vanzant, Iyanla. “In the Meantime, Keep Your Needs to Yourself.” In the Meantime–: Finding Yourself and the Love That You Want. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1998.

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