the real deal

I know when something is true, real. It doesn’t have a reason for being, no ‘because‘  or ‘ so that’. I don’t have reasons for it. If I have to convince myself with incentives, then it’s not the real deal. It might be ok, but it’s not the fiery stuff Bukowski spoke about;

unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

I know it’s the real deal when no fear can come near me. When I’m ready to defy death, slay dragons, find my way to the moon – when something bigger takes over me and will not have me stop. When I lose track of time and forget to eat. When I refuse to live until I live with it. Feels so damn good, let me tell you.

One response to the real deal

  1. Totally. Part of the reason I’ve been offline is a brain-consuming project I’ve been working on. Since I’m retired and live alone, there’s literally nothing preventing me from working as long as I want (then collapsing on the couch for a few hours of sleep). I’m a little brain-burned right now, actually, but it’s that good feeling of having accomplished a nice bit of work.

    It’s nice to know I can still become consumed with a project (I’ve been feeling increasingly jaded over the years). I don’t have the stamina I used to, but I still can find myself greeting the rising sun after working through the night.


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