cracked mirrors

 

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for.

You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Let our scars fall in love.

Galway Kinnell


People look for beauty and class and elegance to fall in love with. The gait, the education, how many followers on Twitter he has. But I don’t. I know that’s what everyone scrutinizes; the public persona and it’s something easily manipulated. Besides, what benefit is it to me to find out how good a person is when it’s the annoying and bad traits that will make or break my relationship with him? OK, he’s handsome/popular/altruistic/romantic. Fine, but those are his traits, not my assets. It’s not like buying a car or laptop; I don’t own this person and falling for them based on their good sides so that I can bask in their glory is,IMO, deceitful and manipulative.
No, my only concern is what flaws does he have and are they compatible with mine? Is he as impulsive as I am? Impatient?Untrusting?Insensitive?

You see, people don’t fall out over niceties; it’s always a situation that triggers the weakest link in each party and it is then in that moment, the fork in the road, that a couple decide that what they have is worth struggling for and overcoming personal issues for, or it’s simply not worth it. That’s it. This is when the façade melts away and the true person behind the mask comes forth. If someone is hiding behind a mask, they’d hardly know themselves, and you wouldn’t either. In fact, chances are you don’t know yourself either if you were drawn to a mask because we see in others what we see in ourselves. If we are not comfortable facing our vulnerabilities and fears, we wouldn’t be comfortable with someone who is vulnerable and frank because we don’t want to be reminded of our fears. We simply don’t.

So I look for cracks and flaws and everything else people don’t. I look for someone who says ‘ look, I’m not as perfect as I seem; I bottle up anger, I always forget to put things back in the fridge, and when I get gloomy – which is often tbh- I kinda get lost in myself and become selfish. BUT these things are a part of me, but they don’t own me. I have power over them, and I choose you – I choose us above it all.’

3 responses to cracked mirrors

  1. After being through quite a few relationships I decided there’s no such thing as a “right person” for someone, let alone “the perfect person.” Love and relationships have a great deal of choice about them, and as you suggest it’s a matter of finding someone you can live with.

    I once came across what I think is good advice: Create a list of ten things you won’t accept in a relationship. Anyone with any of those traits, you don’t even try. Anyone who lacks all ten is worth a look.

    Finding someone with ten things you want is much harder than finding someone who lacks ten things you just can’t live with.

    Like

    • Blues Fairy – Author

      You know, that last paragraph had me thinking for hours last night. One of the best tips ever.Mind=blown Thank you, once again.

      I agree. I think love is not love. It’s disney. Fairytales. I love (!) Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, because he explains what’s wrong with the widespread concept of love, and that love is about the ability, not being the recipient.

      Like

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