My crude crude world

    Midnight thoughts & thunders

     〈serial soliloquies〉


 I’m crude. I say the wrong things at times and I don’t adhere to common courtesy if it falls out of my frame. My edges are jagged, my core raw. I’m naïve and narrow-minded at times. I’m spoilt,impatient and lackadaisical. There’s no twist, no ‘but’s. That’s the crude part of me; the underdeveloped. But I love it. After smoothing the hem of my mask for pretty much my entire life, I realized not too long ago that even though things looked super sleek on the surface, my true nature remained intact beneath. So whilst I was ironing out the wrinkles, my true self lay beneath seared by the steam.

My goal is to retrace my steps to who I was when I was 6 years old. I don’t know why exactly, but I sense that’s before I was tainted.

I want to be silly and ask all the questions I’ve been raring to ask, but didn’t for fear of being ridiculed. I want to follow my curiosity as if it were a butterfly even though I might seem confused and erratic to others. I want to love madly and deeply and authentically without any undertone of pathological need or expectations for reciprocation. I want to venture into the unknown with lofty and colourful hopes despite the risk of rejection. I want to risk rejection. I want to feel the bad so I can feel the good. I want to be vulnerable and not be defined by the bad that happened to me but by the good with which I responded.


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