Elusive arrest

I locked the doors, shut the blinds, turned off the lights. I removed my slippers so I don’t make a sound and tiptoe in my socks. I’m really good at hiding. I’m so elusive that I outwit myself sometimes.

Despite my skills and experience, I can hear lurking. I can hear the doors pried open, lights turned on. My heart almost stops when I realize that despite my efforts to shake them off, they tracked me down somehow. They don’t have eyes, yet they see through these walls right into my heart. They don’t have ears yet they can hear my tangled, confused thoughts running off in every direction. They don’t have hearts and that’s why they will have no mercy on me.

I fooled myself into thinking that running away and hiding from them would give me a peace of mind. I convinced myself that next time they won’t find me. But they always do, and I always live in anticipation and … fear.

I can hear yelling outside my door. I can hear them banging the door in an effort to get my attention. I cover my ears to drown out their presence. But I know the drill. No matter how hard I try, they will get to me. And no matter how much I hurt, I would still end up fleeing.

The very idea of even entertaining an alternative jolts me to my feet and before they can catch up with me, I’m on the run.

Where do fugitives from reality go? Where do those who are unwelcome in their hearts hide?Where do those who are too afraid to live and too afraid to die go?

Facing fears is painful but temporary. Living your life in fear,running from fear… that’s true hell.

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