radiant abundance

I know that this world was meant to be pure and harmonious because of how cute babies are, how strawberries and pears taste, how awe-inspiring sunsets are, how refreshing a cold glass of water is, and how the air smells in spring after an afternoon drizzle. You can’t tell me all of that was meant for apathy and megalomania.

Empathy, not expediency

There’s so much i want to say about mass shootings and the divisive gun control proposals in the US. But I’m too tired. Too tired to explain to a world caught up in and fascinated by destruction.

We create demons and enemies out of one another by the refusal to let horrible experiences teach us what we yet do not know. Instead we become more horrible so that we won’t have to experience anything like it.

Gun. Control. Attempting to control evil is getting sucked into the endless karmic duality, the vicious cycle that we never ever get out of. Because we aren’t meant to get out of it. It’s meant to get in us, transmute us, take us to a different reality through quantum tunneling. Holding space for the tension that comes up, sitting with it in silence. Recognizing our egotistical madness. We’re insane. We’d rather cross our arms, blame the other and refuse to try because it’s all their fault. They refused to enact our solution. Because of course, it’s not like there’s something lacking and corrupt in our perception and understanding. No, never that. We’d rather stay loyal to a broken reality than question ourselves, for once. Not through our political or religious viewpoints. But just as individuals. Not as a hive mind, not as a collective. As a single human heart, what do we sense is amiss? How can we fix the storm?

Well, we don’t. Because we’re not the storm. We’re not the violence. We’re not the evil. We need to unearth what we are, and remain grounded in that and not be tempted out of alignment with ourselves in order to push the storm along.

It’s not time for pragmatism. It’s not time for action. We need the birth of stars and divine grace and miracles. We need to make space in our hearts to receive the parting of seas by hope in the impossible, faith in the extinct.

Pang of life

Me to me: why does it hurt when I give attention to my feelings?

Me to me : because you’re finally feeling parts of you that you used to ignore

Me: oh

Me: yup

Me to me: Is it worth it? Things seemed easier when I used to dissociate

Me to me : dissociating is like being homeless because you don’t want to deal with the possibility of being woken up by the sound of the fire alarm and the ensuing panic and chaos. Feeling is like learning to find the calm in every storm so that you don’t have avoid life and what naturally comes with it.

Me to me: you’re so wise

Me to me : thank the trauma

Me to trauma : thank you trauma

Trauma to me: don’t thank me, thank Allaah

Me to Allaah : thank You. Thank You for not giving up on me

Hermetically sealed safe space

May Allaah grant you the ability to see yourself the way He intended for you to see yourself : with love.


Because gratitude to Allaah remains incomplete when it’s from a self-erasing and self-hating and self-harming individual.

Allaah created you, your energy, the immense beauty that is blocked from your vision because of a demonic self-loathing. Anything demonic is whatever is fragmented and isolated from the cosmic light and abundance Allaah emanates and created in the world. And that’s what iblees intends : to fragment you so you could feel as miserable as he does. Although he has so much control and influence and near immortality, he’s a black hole of misery.

Energy can’t be procured through possession. It’s a divine gift. One that he’ll never have, so his entire strategy is to lure you away from the cohesiveness and wholeness you were created in and for. You don’t build wholeness. You remove whatever blocks your innate wholeness. Retrace your steps. Go back to how you were as a child. Simplify. Be still. Receive. Ask and be vulnerable with Allaah. Love.

Animus dispossession

I was watching the interview of Russell and Jordan, and Jordan said something that made me think :

religious ideas are different from ideologies in that there’s a representation and balance of the positive and negative aspects of what occurs naturally in the individual and society.

(paraphrase)

It had me thinking that in that vein, hijaab is the equivalent – and therefore balance to – of a man’s social responsibilities and duties that he’s obligated to perform.

And that’s my gripe with millennial Muslim women’s sometimes shallow dissection of the gender politics that has gotten entangled in the complex system that is Islaam. You can’t just remove concepts from the whole and see if it’ll hold or not like a game of Jenga. It’s a very reductivist way of assessing things precisely because it’s the masculine Logos that picks things apart and discriminates and analyses.

When women use the Logos it’s usually at the expense of the powerful feminine perception, what Neumann coined diffuse awareness as opposed to focused awareness. The Eros that brings things together, holds space for the opposites, finds the harmony. That has been discarded and judged as weak by women, because we’ve come to associate it with being a doormat and a pushover. But that’s only the case when it’s unconscious and imbalanced.

I reckon that the world is in desperate need of the return of the feminine energy, the so-called divine feminine, because it’s that energy that would take the technology available and apply it on humanitarian issues. And it would take the wealth and channel it to where it’s needed. It’d take the scientific breakthroughs and expertise and heal the world.

And by divine feminine I don’t mean that it’s specific to women, but women are the emanators of that energy and men the recipients. No man can bring about that energy unless it comes from a transformed, balanced woman. Just like no man can bring about a pregnancy. She takes what’s dispersed and coalesces it into a whole. But she has to first return to her innate wholeness that she’s been fragmented from by a highly masculine world.

Unwrap yourself

The gift you carry for others is not an attempt to save the world but to fully belong to it. It’s not possible to save the world by trying to save it. You need to find what is genuinely yours to offer the world before you can make it a better place.

Discovering your unique gift to bring to your community is your greatest opportunity and challenge. The offering of that gift — your true self — is the most you can do to love and serve the world. And it is all the world needs.

“Carrying What Is Hidden as a Gift for Others .”Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche, by Bill Plotkin

The existential void

Don’t worry. Your truth won’t be washed away by the storm of existential chaos. It won’t be broken by the weight of the world. It’ll only be fine tuned, refined. Because your truth is the reality blueprint your soul was created upon and what’s from Allaah is indestructible, timeless, eternal.

وَلَا تَدْعُ مَعَ اللَّهِ إِلَٰهًا آخَرَ لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ كُلُّ شَيْءٍ هَالِكٌ إِلَّا وَجْهَهُ لَهُ الْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

And invoke not any other deity along with Allaah, there’s no true god but He. Everything will perish save His Face. His is the Decision, and to Him you (all) shall be returned.

(Al-Qasas 28:88)

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