The external is always superficial. Only the hearts sense what’s hidden by the depths and darkness.
The mind projects but can’t receive. We receive through feelings. Feelings are the detection of change in one’s energetic field and the more sensitive one is the faster the change is perceived. Feelings inform you of how the change relates to you and what it could entail. It’s like sonar.
Only Allaah can give me comprehensive safety, which is emotional safety. My mind can only make me safe in terms of what I can see or predict. But the physical threats can’t be compared to metaphysical threats because of the limitations in the density of this physical realm. But the soul and heart can be subjected to unimaginable horrors that are made worse by the lack of knowledge of these hidden realms and what can happen. So instead of trying to at least mitigate the pain, one disconnects and rejects it, pushing heart further into the shadows.
Only Allaah knows what the mind can’t even fathom or put into words. And I rest in that knowing because I know that no matter how much I dissociate and how much sensory indulgence I wedge between me and my awareness, I can’t get away from my soul, ever. Not even through death! Not only that, but in rejecting parts of me I’m overloading the capacity of my mind that can’t do what my heart does. Life becomes unbearable, suffocating, and extremely gloomy..
You know, what we call depth is being at the lowest point and yet holding space for the highest point. If you can find a connection to the divine no matter how forlorn or distraught you are, you’re in the company of the Highest who takes note of your remembrance. And whoever is given the focus of the Creator is immersed in abundance.
If someone is turned off or bored by your authentic self it’s not that you’re not enough but that the truth is not enough for them. And it can be for various reasons – escapism, addiction, grandiosity, deception – but you don’t need to investigate whatever it is but simply rest in the knowing that presenting your uncompromised truth is extremely important in bringing out what’s hidden in people. You can’t decide what people can or should handle, but you can decide to only connect with those who’ve shown that they’re capable of holding space for all of you.
Past – 3D (the sensory world is always the past)
Present – 5D (heart)
Future – 4D (mind)
The future is the accessing point into a new reality. It’s the transitory phase into a deeper layer of the present moment. The present moment isn’t time, it’s space. It’s a vessel that holds everything that Allaah has already created, just like a girl is born with all the eggs her body will ever produce in her lifetime.
The future isn’t female, the present moment is.
I imagine I’ve developed comfort eating as a coping mechanism because in my belly there is a monster whose growls and tremors are felt as anxiety and fear, and I feed it stuff it likes to bribe it to sleep. I also avoid doing anything or going anywhere where it’ll lash out. It’s like I’m carrying a ticking bomb that could literally end my life, and I still don’t know where exactly it is or why it’s in me or if I’ll ever be able to live without calculating the weight of my footsteps to not trigger collapse.